I was watching an interview with
Jeremy Clarkson on YouTube the other day, and he said something that peaked my
interest. He spoke of the new Audi R8, saying all kinds of good things about
it. I’m paraphrasing, but he said,
“It’s perfect,
the ride is brilliant, power and handling outstanding, the seats, the controls,
the feel. It could be the best car in the world. But I would not buy one. Now
the Lamborghini Gallardo; it’s not as good in so many ways, and will probably
break down, but I would buy one in a heart beat. Because the Audi is missing
something, that the Lambo has buckets of”. ‘The Thing’.
I would like to take this theory at
put it at the door of the 4x4, and specifically Land Rover. I believe it
explains why Land Rover is what it is, and why it is still such a great
car-maker and why it is one of the world’s leaders in automotive design.
The Thing is not obvious; you can’t
see it, touch it, or even feel it. It can exist for one person and be utterly
absent for another.
To me, some 4x4s have The Thing and
others have none or little. I doubt if I am too different from most 4x4 lovers
in seeing it this way. But because The Thing, to some means everything, and to others,
nothing, people buy a Land Rover for the exactly the same reason that they buy
a Land Cruiser, or an X5 for that matter.
I’ve lost count of how many 4x4s
I’ve owned. I think it’s nine. My first was a Range Rover. Range Rovers, even
the relatively boring P38 version, have The Thing. The early ones, I think it
is safe to say, have far more than the newer ones, but they all have it. For
me, almost all of the Range Rover’s competitors have very little of it, if any.
Take the Q7, X5 or the Land Cruiser-200. The Thing is conspicuous by its
absence. In my book, Range Rover Classics drip with it.
Then came my Land Rover 110, later
called the Defender, that I called ‘Darien’. This has become the most unchanged,
familiar design, maybe in the world, unchanged externally, other than a bulge
in the bonnet, since 1985. How can anyone still be interested in this car? I
know why. Because few vehicles ever produced anywhere have as much of The Thing
as a Defender. Every time I pass one, I always give it a second look. Once a Defender lover - always a
Defender lover.
My next 4x4 was a Mercedes-G. I
chose it because of The Thing factor. I loved the looks. But I knew nothing of its
performance, and at the time I didn’t really care. For me, the G is one of few vehicles that approach the
Defender when it comes to The Thing. But sadly the pimped versions like the
G500 have taken The Thing, and turned it into The Bling. I don’t like them at
all, although they do attract my gaze. My G turned out to be a revelation
performance-wise and they are my first love!
Next was a Discovery. Nothing. Not
one ounce of Thing. But something unusual has happened. Now with the passing of
Discovery-2 (even less Thing than Disco-1’s, if possible) and Discovery-3/4,
old Disco-1’s, especially those taken from the scrap heap and given a new lease
with some big wheels, glow with Thing. I think they are great, and I can’t
think of a better, cheaper way to have endless fun off-road.
My first Land Cruiser: Nudda.
Nothing. Zitch. No trace of Thing anywhere to be found. This was a 79-series
pick-up that I converted to a double-cab; and still, with all that work, I
could not squeeze a drop of Thing out of it, no matter how hard I tried. And it
wasn’t a great performer, so there was nothing between us. So I sold it.
Skipping a few vehicles, back to
Land Cruiser, this time a 105 series. Now this is not a pretty car. When I took
delivery, I thought there was a hope of good Things to come, and I was right.
As I got to own it, it grew on me, and for me, it started to develop its own
personality. The trouble is with Land Cruisers, most of them anyway, is that
they are boring. They are like the student that gets high marks, never
misbehaves, is not tardy and never dresses inappropriately. But are they ever
remembered? Not often. They are dull. When you put the key in, they start; and
when you take it out, they stop. And they do it year, after year, after year.
They have little character, and because of this, The Thing has to be generated
by experiencing it. When I eventually sold mine, I was sad, not because of a
loss of a friend, but because it was so damn bloody good at everything. And
never the slightest hint of mechanical trouble ever. It grew The Thing, and the
105 for me always will have it, but it had to earn it.
I sold the 105 to build what I
called the Ultimate World Cruiser, with a camper conversion of a 78-series
Troopy. As I began building this vehicle, I realized that this was the very
first Land Cruiser that had The Thing, even in its very plain, rock-hard
suspension, drab, plain, uninspired self. It was because of the promise of what
it could become. I fell in love with this vehicle.
How do you tell if the vehicle you
drive possesses The Thing? To answer this honestly, you need to ask yourself,
“Would you take it for a run, for the sole purpose of taking it for run – for
no other reason than to be with it? If the answer is yes, then it has The
Thing. I would run the Land Cruiser up to the shops because it was there, go
down to the beach and sit in it with an ice cream, watching the passers by
checking it out. There were times, I admit, that I considered going outside
into the garden and sleeping in it, just because I could. I really miss that
car.
I am currently in the UK with a
dilemma: What 4x4 to buy? I won’t buy new, and to be truthful, I think the only
new 4x4 available here that interests me is a Defender. It has plenty of Thing
for me, but I am not sure if it has everything else that would make me spend
that much. 105-series Land Cruisers were never sold here, so they’re out. 100-VX
Land Cruiser are a serious thought. They have for me, a small dollop of Thing,
but not much. But a low mileage 80-series is a serious option, and although
they have limited Thing, ugly things that they are, they have within them the
promise of a long, reliable and rewarding life. The 80-series is, for those who
don’t know, considered by most Land Cruiser lovers to be made in, “Toyota’s
finest hour”. They are truly brilliant machines – but like the good student – a
bit dull. For the same price as one of these, I can buy a tired Defender. Now a
tired Defender might mean me spending my Saturdays under it, keeping it
running. I did this throughout the ‘80s, with my Range Rover, and the thought
if it now doesn’t excite me one bit. The other part is, what I am doing in the
UK. Followers of my work, most of them here anyway, would love me to return to
the fold. So now, the big question is, is The Thing that the Defender possesses,
enough for me to truly enjoy the vehicle as once I did, having now tasted the
other, albeit less interesting, alternative?
Check out my latest video on YouTube. It's on the www.4xforum.com homepage, near the bottom.
